Traquair House Ale. An hour after drinking this, you will start to find Phil Cool funny.

Inadvertently I seem to have adopted a rural theme to my experiments in drinking. First I had my bottle of honey beer as far from civilization as I can get in one day, and now I’ve ended up sampling a bottle of lethal ale next to Lake Ullswater.

This came about quite by chance as I ended up going away for the weekend and had to come up with a plan on the fly. Drinking in isolation had been done, so there was no thought given to sailing out into the lake and sitting on a paddle boat supping. On a walk into Pooley Bridge I considered picking up a can of Stella and walking round the tourist information centre with it, but I wasn’t in the mood for a beating by a rambler. The pubs there are pleasant enough but basically nondescript, so the pints there came and went without incident.

It boiled down to the penumtimate day of my trip away when I picked up the bottle I’d end up having, a Traquair House Ale. At 7.2% it stood out amongst the other overpriced quaint ales in one of those arty deli shops that litter the Lake District – cheese for £8 a block and crackers made of rice, you know the type. Sitting among a bunch of beers which I knew would be utterly bland behind the fancy label was this, the Traquair, one of those that goes with the “less is more” ethos or, if you prefer, you don’t get as much because a half blows your head off.

I can report that this beer does indeed blow your head off. I finally ended up drinking this near the very northern tip of Lake Ullswater, on the shore adjacent to my campsite. I was sober when I got to the lake but I was most distinctly not when I left. For such a potent beer it has a very drinkable smoothness to it after the first bite so it seemed to drain from my plastic wine glass all too quickly (hey, I was camping, okay – no room for a real glass).

Lake Ullswater as the sun goes down. It was either this or the violent ale which made me feel happy.

Aided by a glass of wine as a spectacular sunset went down across the lake, I discovered that the effects of Traquair are time-delayed and thus this beer should be treated as the highest risk offender in the “Lethal Ales” category. It is easy to drink, appears not to affect you particularly for a good hour, but then crashes down upon you like a pissed Geordie staggering into his tent (there were many, many of these at Park Foot). My recollection of the end of this particular evening extends to me throwing my contact lens case across my tent in a rage, taking some peculiarly-angled photos of the people in the tent and finally collapsing prostrate in my jeans, only to awaken shivering and somewhat confused an hour or two later.

While a good night was had by all, my abiding conclusion from this beer experience was that I’m right to avoid beers over 5% whenever possible. As a rule of thumb I avoid them in pubs and this Traquair was a good reminder why. While I might try a half at a beer festival, for drinking by the side of a lake while camping I am merely inviting some seriously poor camera work, potential hypothermia and the loss of my contact lenses.

Lake District · Park Foot · Pooley Bridge · Traquair · Ullswater

This year’s Boot beer festival in and around Eskdale and Boot in the Lakes has been announced for Thursday 10th June through to Sunday 13th June this year. It was a week earlier last year and I recall reading this post by Woolpack Dave last year about how he hoped for a greater gap between the end of half term and the festival, so I initially thought his prayers had been answered. However, it seems that thanks to a shift in dates it’s still just a week after the end of half term in Cumbria which according to this is June 4th.

I guess it’ll be another tough week for Dave, then, but I’m glad he’s still taking part because I can understand some of the problems he’s had in the past. Last year was my third or fourth weekend at the festival but it was the first time I and my group actually made it down to the Woolpack. I don’t wish this whole post to be just about this pub, as there are three taking part, but through reading Dave’s blog I have developed a closer tie to it than any of the others along that long, winding (and incredibly dark) road. In the past it’s seemed to be way too far down the road to be worth a visit in the evening, especially as we were camping at Fisherground. However, last year a shuttle bus ran from there down to the Woolpack which made it a hell of a lot easier and we made it on two of the three nights we were there – top marks for that idea.

I hope the bus is in action again this year as it made a massive difference for everyone staying at Fisherground, not to mention jumping on at the Boot Inn – without it I think we’d manage the walk down once at most.

Watching the band inside the marquee at the Woolpack Inn at the 2009 festival.

Dave also mentioned the cost of providing the marquee and the band. This is a tricky one as obviously he can’t expect a free lunch from the festival, but at the same time I can see why the costs are prohibitive. I personally enjoyed moving around from the pub to the marquee, and Dave’s cooking show was great to watch, but if the numbers don’t add up perhaps it may be one to sacrifice.

I do recommend this festival to anyone unfamiliar with the area, as the Eskdale valley is stunning and most drivers get a thrill from going over Hardknott Pass for the first time. If you keep up with Dave’s blog and fancy a weekend away supporting someone who cares about beer and good times, why not consider a trip over to one of the best festival weekends in Cumbria.

Beer festival · Beers · Boot · Boot Inn · Brook House Inn · Eskdale · Lake District · Woolpack Dave · Woolpack Inn