Oh, so I drank one
It became four
And when I fell on the floor …
…I drank more

We all know Morrissey‘s lyrics are thought provoking, at some times baffling, and occasionally outright racist (in a daft way); but this phrase has always stuck with me as it epitomises the so-called “binge” culture which tends to vilify anyone who considers enjoying themselves on a night out. A culture which looks down on anyone who mentions they like beer or had more than a single bottle or can in an evening. Admitting to being a “bit rough” at work can often land you with counselling sessions, and if you’re not careful loose promotion prospects indefinitely.

Winston Churchil : The Original Boozer

Now the question is does this stop you from succeeding noting you enjoy a tipple or two or three or is it as soon as you sniff the barmaids apron you are doomed to a life of stale vomit and holidaying at her majesty’s pleasure. In Tony Blair’s recent autobiography we see he had a “drinking problem” as he enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine in the evening to unwind. In this country he has been shown as “weak” and parallels have been attempted to be drawn between his political decisions and after he “had a couple”. In other countries if he had admitted the same The French wouldn’t have cared the German’s would have slapped their leather pants and the Russians would think it was wrong if he wasn’t shown to be completely incapable at least once a month.

So what of the beer? Well the beer was a staggeringly overpriced “John Smith’s Bitter”; which is a far cry from the Tesco value beers which you can get for 12p a can; but its actually one you can drink a lot of very easily and get drunk from; unlike the other cheaper alternatives which is more a test of bladder endurance than anything else.

I cannot describe the entire evening, nor do I want to, but I enjoyed many cans of this fine beverage watched a couple of films, enjoyed a pizza and nattered to several of my friends. This is an evening which I have done before and I will most likely do again. It was nothing to shout about, it was a relaxing evening doing relaxing activities I was warm, content had a full stomach and aside from the every increasing need to visit the toilet went off without a hitch.

Had such an evening been no a street corner; in a park with a group of my friends I would have been instantly deemed as a public nuisance and a picture of modern Britain. Do I feel ashamed for breaking my weekly alcohol limit in a single night over the weekend? No; it is part of the fabric of modern life I wasn’t forced into it nor coerced by advertising I simply had a relaxing night in. Had I been in a public house laughing joking, playing pool before staggering home at 2am my picture may have ended up in the paper the next day detailing how we as a society have come off the rails and everyone should remember to eat “five a day”; never have more than a single glass of wine in one sitting and not raise our voice above a whisper past 8pm.

So this beer is dedicated to the hard working folks who work for a living, pay their tax and support society and may need once a week or so to enjoy more than a single alcoholic drink in a sitting; relax with good company and enjoy unhealthy food. Life’s too hard at the best of times, why make it harder? Lean back crack open a cold one and let the beer wash over you so at least for a short time you can forget your boss; forget the commute and leave the dishes in the sink until the following morning.

I never did quite make the floor, but I did reach my happy place where the rest of the world falls away and I remember what’s important to me.

The day: 14.
The drink: John Smith’s Bitter (several).
The place: Home.
Positives: Warm fuzzy feeling inside.
Negatives: Exponential need to visit the toilet.
Conclusion: Done right a few beers at home over the limits relaxes you and allows you to enjoy the company of friends more; you laugh more you cry; it unlocks your soul to the world you have been missing whilst at work.

beer · drunk · happy · home · john smiths · pizza · society · toilet

The current motto for Hobgoblin is “What’s the matter Lagerboy, afraid you might taste something?”; which roughly translates to “Come and ‘ave a go; if ya think yur ‘ard enuff!”. Fighting talk for a fighting beer; the campaign featuring this slogan was labled as “offensive and agressive”; but then the only people who should be defensive about beer are alcoholics and Guardian readers.

This of course brings me on neatly to the location. Nowhere better to consume this fighting beer than Norath on my alter ego so I headed off to my bar to check out the supply of this heady brew.

Good news; the barmaid had it in! So whilst I waited for the wench to dig out this beverage I reviewed the necessary equipment for fighting dragons.

• 1 mythically enchanted sword, sharp enough to shave with? CHECK!
• 1 set of plate armour able to withstand the hottest dragon fire ? CHECK!
• 1 specially hardened shield; capable of deflecting a dragons feeble attempts to disembowel me? CHECK!
• 1 solidly built helmet with cool wings on? CHECK!
• 1 stein with spill-proof anti-damage dragon killing beer? CHECK!

Obviously I had to test this beer under the harshest of conditions and that meant fighting a dragon. Thankfully I knew of one and buoyed on by the fighting talk on the side of bottle I was easily able to attract the attention of one Waansu; somewhat cranky after just recently been freed from Perah’Celsis’ Laboratory where he was used as a experimental guinea pig.

Don’t worry; he was evil. The fact his horde was full of gold coins and contained many magical items never came into the discussion when my guild choose this target to protect the weak and defenceless of Norath.

Cracking open the bottle to empty into my spill proof stein wasn’t as easy as you might think. Perhaps I should have prepared this beer before attacking the dragon but the dragon’s claws offered a surprisingly efficient alternative to the humble bottle opener.

The first swig held nothing back however at assaulted the taste buds with a rage that told you. It was here and it was going to stay; similar in fact to when I took down one of the wings of Waansu making him unable to fly away. We were both in it for the long haul and no-one would be leaving until a dragon was dead and my beer was finished!

After a while it was easy to settle into the rhythm hack slash duck and swig. Each subsequent swig not as brutal as the first but the flavours were still as strong as my sword arm. This is certainly not a drink for the weak.

There is a certain sense of needing to take a moment every time you take a swig, this beer cannot be ignored and even if you attempt to slake that thirst in the midst of battle it wil drive back home how much flavour it has bring you sharply away from the important matter of dragon killing to the beer itself.

Of course as with everything it must end and as the mighty dragon finally succumbed, I drained my stein in victory before setting about with avengence at its horde.As my guild were recuperating at the bar I returned the empty bottle to the barmaid and proceeded to give my verdict.

The day: 3.
The beer: Hobgobblin Ale, 500ml, about 4.8% ABV.
The place: Norath, Perah’Celsis’ Abominable Laboratory
Positives: Certainly a fighting beer and doesn’t hold back on the flavours; easy to open top even in the midst of battle.
Negatives: Certainly not a quaffing ale for celebration the almost over powering flavours need to be savoured . Does not go well with snacks and there is difficulty in drinking it with a helmet on.
Conclusion: It claims its a fighting beer but in the heat of battle a more refreshing ale is required. Ironically the fighting beer… is best enjoyed in a warm inn room at the fire. A very good beer but a beer which takes all of you to enjoy it.

ale · beer · dragon · eq2 · fighting · norath