[590] “Property” – how cheap the acceptance of injustice is bought March 20th, 2008 – 4:08pm Posted in Bad Things No comments

A curiosity of the British condition is the preoccupation with owning land and property. I guess this probably stretches back way into the past with the links between class and land ownership and subsequently wealth. “Property” spoken in this sense of land assets makes fine sense. “Property” in this recent phenomenon as a word to describe a house is utterly absurd and another example of relative contentment – the way in which people judge their place in society according to a relative set of lows and highs. For example, a man earns £10 a week and another earns £20 a week, and both have a house. But the man earning more isn’t distinguished by them both having houses, so he raises his relative higher aspiration and makes it a “property”, pushing his upper social limit into the comically low limits of the true meaning of what it is to own …read more.

[589] Staring at me while blowing my nose March 20th, 2008 – 12:40pm Posted in Bad Things No comments

There are some necessary bodily functions we must all carry out and over time we as a society have come to find ways to preserve one another’s modesty when nature calls. Toilets have doors, for example, showers have curtains and streets have back alleys after twelve pints. Society has not, as yet, come up with a means of stopping people staring at me while blowing my nose. Now I know quite well that in the grand scheme of degrading acts a person could witness me do it’s nowhere near them reclining in an armchair with a pipe watching my bowels erupt into the pan after a night on vindaloo, ecstasy and fermenting ale, and it’s not even close to the indignity of another man chuckling after catching a crafty glance of my cock in the gents, but making eye contact with someone while I’m going through the facial contortions of …read more.

[588] Morrissey’s Latino fanbase March 18th, 2008 – 9:50pm Posted in Good Things No comments

Now includes characters from Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

John: ”Hey what you havin’ there man?”
Latino: ”Hatful Of Hollow man, just downloaded it this morning.”
John: ”Dude, you’ve got to be kidding man, I love The Smiths.”

I rewinded it three times to bask in its glory. And shortly after:

Latino: ”Your sister’s dark bro, you’re gonna love The Smiths.”
John: ”Yeah, uh, she’s really dark.”

Yes!

[587] Appletini March 15th, 2008 – 7:38pm Posted in Good Things No comments

The king of drinks, courtesy of Ellie:

[584] $p0t teh 1337!!!!! March 15th, 2008 – 5:11pm Posted in Daft No comments

Mad props to Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles…

[583] Behind closed doors March 11th, 2008 – 8:30pm Posted in Thoughts No comments

Not only do I flick through its pages while my grandma absorbs The One Show’s early evening bollocks, I also work at the Domestic Abuse Telegraph, your daily source of spouse-beating news. This tag team combo somehow makes me feel almost responsible for its endless barage of domestic abuse stories, as if I’ve to explain them away to anyone who brings them up. I didn’t hit her! – but sorry for working there…

Examples of this litter the site like drops of blood on a kitchen wall. Some have an edge of dark comedy… Some are inhumane almost beyond belief. Others, well, they make you stop and wonder if there are different breeds of humanity walking this planet. And some, really, are so thoroughly depressing – have a gander at this and this – it seems sensible to …read more.

[582] Drama queen March 1st, 2008 – 6:43pm Posted in Events No comments

Those last posts are exemplary of my gift for third-person narcissism – I write in the style of someone obsessed with their self even when I’m not feeling the emotions I describe to anywhere near the level I’d have you believe. Stuff kind of vaguely happens to me, but it feels like it may as well be another person, because the intellectual side always wins and I just end up thinking about feelings, not feeling them. And I know I’m setting you up there for the obvious thought, that I’m so stuck up my own arse I dare to think I’m not self-obsessed when the very fact of saying that shows that I am – but it’s a calculated risk, taken in the hope that you might believe that so much of what I do and write is third-person, an observation of the things that happen to me from the …read more.