[562] Addendum to original December 27th, 2007 – 4:02am Posted in Events No comments

Forgot to mention: my uncle Bill died on Christmas Eve, which is fucked up, plus I think English Rose is one of the best songs ever and would love to take her in my hand onto the floor, but as they say, patience is a virtue.

This week, I are been mostly drunk.

[559] The Sopranos December 21st, 2007 – 10:25am Posted in Good Things No comments

What a damn fine programme this is. I’m nearly always more of a comedy than a drama man but just like when I first gave Six Feet Under a chance all those years ago, finding this has given me something to fill those quiet times when I’m in a more sedate, thoughtful mood.

The first series was slow to reel me in, the second was fascinating and the third has been funny as hell so far. When Chris begins philosophising on the nature of life and death at the funeral while high… now that’s textbook. “So what I’m saying is…” The whole story of Tony’s mother and the characters around her is eerily reminiscent and an incredibly accurate portrayal of the situation with my grandma at the moment, so that’s been great to watch. Across them all what I think this programme demonstrates is that there’s rarely a need to dumb …read more.

[558] Benidorm December 18th, 2007 – 5:12pm Posted in Events No comments

It’s a strange world where it’s cheaper to exist in a hotel in another country than it is to socialise half a mile down the road for a weekend.

Benidorm was good. I was drunk. I could end this tale there, but there are a few points worthy of mention first. “Mexicccccco!” – in rubbish Mexican voices. Mark and Lark naked or semi-naked in the sea. Watching rubbish fights in the street. Bad free “champagne”. Me picking spit up believing it was a wrap of coke. Catching up with Marcus. Binge drinking in cold free bars. Aaron whispering to himself as he came back to the room. Fantastic hill-top outside drinking. Cats mountain climbing. Twatty Geordies being Brits abroad and inspiring the urge to be stabbed in the head. Free bars. More free bars. Freedom. George Michael. This has descended into lies now because my appalling memory has given up.

Suffice to …read more.

[557] Introspection December 18th, 2007 – 4:44pm Posted in Thoughts 4 comments

The easiest way to learn about life is to observe yourself. I’m of the opinion, and this is purely an opinion I’ve formed so may well be wrong, that we don’t inherently have much control over our actions. I get the feeling there is a core set of values and beliefs in our hearts and minds that dictates how we respond to every situation. Thus, observing how you act gives a diluted insight into those qualities and flaws inside us. Observing myself recently, I perplex myself. From where I stand, which is admittedly a terribly biased viewpoint somewhere behind a pillar in row Q, there are clearly two sides to my character and how these two reconcile with one another every day is beyond me. I’m sorry that I can’t spell out in true detail the things I’d like to say about my nature that I believe belong to many …read more.

[556] Coming of age in Benidorm – classy, eh December 13th, 2007 – 5:04pm Posted in Events, Thoughts No comments

Seeing my sisters grow up to date hasn’t been an especially unusual or surprising process. From the point they could walk onwards they’ve both just seemed to gradually get taller, speak to me differently and develop their sense of humour. There were occasional blips when I’d been away for a while and came back to see them after weeks or months, but the curve is still overall quite gentle.

This is changing for the first time as Lark has just hit 18 and when I look at her now, I don’t see my little sister and nothing else; I still see my sister, and that’s always how I’ll think of her first, but now she’s another person too, someone like Ellie who I could have got to know over the past year without our past as siblings ever coming into it. So now there are really two Larks I know, one …read more.

[555] English rose: part deux December 10th, 2007 – 10:29am Posted in Good Things No comments

This is like it is:

It’s not simple. But it’s good. Really good. You probably get the idea that I’m one of those people that finds the darker side of life more embracing, easier to talk about and so on, so when these brilliant moments in life happen to me I have to really stop and force myself to appreciate that things are going well for once. It was only last week that things were going horrifically and I haven’t forgotten how that felt so to juxtapose that with the unimaginable brilliance of this weekend with Kate is a little surreal. I do wonder if there’s more than coincidence to how I wrote only a week or two ago that in the past year she’s the only woman I’ve actually felt sad to be unable to even see – and the only woman I’ve ever chosen to …read more.

[554] Happy days December 8th, 2007 – 5:47pm Posted in Good Things No comments

I have my English rose in my sights! The lesson I learned: if the chance is there, find some courage in amongst the swirling pits of self-loathing and go for it.

[553] Sadness December 5th, 2007 – 1:18am Posted in Bad Things No comments

Leigh’s had a bad one, so I don’t mean to disparage his situation with my own at the moment. I remember well the pain of perpetual unemployment so I’m not trying to make light of his badness at all. These past few days for me have been bad ones though. I’ve tried to keep a positive face on things but it’s fucked up work for me and the general order and reason of life has just gone out the window. I despise it when this happens because it is (literally) something I’m familied into. No control, suffering central. I’ve no idea how I’ll explain these past days troubles without being honest, and being honest about it is the most embarrassing thing you can do.