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[156] Bloom April 25th, 2005 – 11:12pm Posted in Thoughts No comments

A thousand and one things flying around my head at the moment. Chief among them, a comment I made on Gillian’s journal: “Reminds me how easy it is to look around at people we don’t know and see nothing in them to associate with, when without us knowing they are thinking of flecks of blossom themselves.” But that’s something we all must think at some point, so nothing worth discussing there. I’m wondering about the nature of attraction and how it draws me to her. I wonder about the loyalty I feel to friends which I can never lose despite the strains it undergoes. I think about whether my happiness is just a product of my circumstances, of living with friends who make me laugh and make me raise my game, and whether that will be lost when I move on. I wonder what I can do with a 4Mb …read more.

[158] Bijou Pleasurette April 25th, 2005 – 2:15pm Posted in Events, Memories, People No comments

For a while now I have thought often about my relationship with my mother. My dominant feeling for her is one of guilt, although I find it hard to pin down many real reasons for this – I think it mostly derives from the odd ways in which we interact. We both seem incapable of showing any affection for one another, stemming from the distant nature between us as I was growing up and our inherently reserved characters. Yet I feel that we both regret this distance between us and are always trying to find ways to close the gap. I find myself making sudden gestures of affection in the only ways I know how – every Mother’s Day, I make some kind of extravagant purchase for her, and every birthday, I rack my brains thinking of the things she loves so I can make her something personal and touching, …read more.

[106] Minimising Civ2 April 19th, 2005 – 1:08pm Posted in Good Things No comments

One of my greatest moments of the past decade came during a multiplayer game of Civ2 with Steven in my first year at uni. Now, during the early part of the game, turns come and go faster than women in Wiggy’s life which means you have to devote your full attention to the game. As time passes, and the numerous empires grow, your opponent’s turns take progressively longer until they end up pushing ten minutes a go, during which you have very little to be doing. Now, what do you do in this time? – sit waiting patiently for the box to pop up telling you it’s your turn, all the while bemoaning the fact there’s no notification option to let you know? NO! You don’t do that. You minimise the Civ2 window, alt-tab away for a spot of porn browsing and when it comes back round to your turn, …read more.

[33] News and newspapers April 18th, 2005 – 4:51pm Posted in Bad Things No comments

Baffling yourself by your own actions has to be one of the strangest feelings there can be. You look back on something you’ve done, and wonder what the hell you were thinking when you did it, and when no answer presents itself you’re left feeling equally bewildered and bemused. In my case, I wonder quite what possessed me to take a journalism degree when I loathe everything about news and newspapers. The only rationale I can conjure is that I wanted to do something to do with writing after the blinding dullness of my first computing degree, and journalism seemed an easier option than English. Beyond that, it was a kamikaze move on my part because it meant I was supposed to actively go and listen to lectures about how fucked up the newspaper industry is and learn how to batter any creative instincts into submission so I could churn …read more.

[164] Still ill? April 15th, 2005 – 2:22pm Posted in Events, People, Thoughts No comments

This week, I ar’ been mostly ill.

I’ve had the virus that’s going round, the one which leaves you with a twilight headache that never dims, an irritable nature and absent smile. I’m not normally like this and the wait for this to pass has begun to grate. It’s caused problems with Lois which are entirely avoidable but have only compounded the drudgery of it all.

Still, I feel a big improvement today so hopefully it will have passed by the weekend. There’s the game tomorrow to look forward to (Rovers against Arsenal in the FA Cup semis – I’ll spell it out here like that because it will most likely be the only occasion in my lifetime I’m able to say those words without actually referring to a game of ISS) and I might be going for a drinkypops with Terrence tonight or when he gets back from Cardiff. I was …read more.

[159] Decision made April 14th, 2005 – 9:33pm Posted in Events No comments

Life to me is like the bus journey from Blackburn to Preston. It begins and ends hellishly as you pop out of one pit and end up back in another. The journey inbetween is mostly a saunter down straight roads, punctuated by the odd twist and turn in the path. I guess then that at the moment I’m somewhere around Houghton. Not long ago I was going through a bumpy ride past Feniscowles, but things have levelled out more than a little and the twists behind me seem distant. As far as I know at this point, the turn just ahead is the biggest on the journey so far and it will decide where I go on the next part of my travels.

Swinging round the bend… a smooth arch tipping you slightly to one side… green English fields stretching endlessly to the right… damp freshly cut grass littering the banks.. …read more.

[160] Life has a funny way… April 12th, 2005 – 11:18am Posted in Events No comments

It’s one of those times where you have to find something physically active to do to take your mind off things. I’m going to have a wander down to town and see what’s going on down there, and maybe see Lois later. A couple of times in the past, I’ve managed to nip things in the bud before they grow out of control, and this is another of those times where if I don’t do something now things will just get worse. I learn a lot in this respect from Terrence. I respect his attitude towards a lot of things very much and having this maturity and foresight is something he’d have. Here’s just hoping things turn out okay, eh?

[165] Three action-packed weeks come to a conclusion April 9th, 2005 – 9:25pm Posted in Events No comments

Well, I’m nearly at the end of my scandalous three weeks blagged off work, and that rolling-of-the-eyes resignation is just starting to kick back in as I think about Monday. Two weeks seems to be the cut-off point between viewing your time off as a brief respite from work, and beginning to accept endless days of free time as entirely normal. When it comes round to going back to routine, it’s not much fun…

So, what did I get up to over these three weeks? I suppose the main thing was the trip up to the Lakes with Lois. I’ve never done anything like that before, but it was entirely worthwhile. In terms of how things went with Lois, it was good to expose ourselves to each other for three solid days, something I don’t think I’ve ever done with anyone before. It was this which sparked off a happy chain …read more.

[161] Oww April 8th, 2005 – 11:19pm Posted in Events No comments

KAAAHHHNNNN!!!

Okay, so that crappy cold finally goes, only to be immediately replaced by a pulled muscle or trapped nerve in my neck. It is fucking painful and perhaps the most irritating injury I’ve ever had – I didn’t realise how much I took being able to turn my head for granted until I couldn’t. *sigh* It’s been quite an odd week – I’m not down at all, or anything, but still, it shouldn’t be like this especially when I have Lois to be spending my time with. I’m really missing her this morning, although it’s probably good that she’s not here because I’m just sat wincing like a bastard every two minutes and it’s best doing this kind of thing in private.

Anyone know a cure for a sore neck? Answers on a postcard.

[114] Playing the song of the moment over and over April 8th, 2005 – 4:55pm Posted in Good Things No comments

Finding a new song I absolutely love is one of my life’s greatest pleasures and I really enjoy the first week or so when you have one of these new songs to play to death but still find absolutely wonderful every time. The effect wears off after a while and you need another kick to replace it; a little like a drug I suppose. I like the urge you feel to play it wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, as a little section floats around your head. I guess the need for a new kick is what makes music so enjoyable – there’s always, always something new and interesting just round the corner.

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