[313] Waiting for someone or something April 26th, 2002 – 12:53pm Posted in Bad Things, Events No comments

This is the nastiest I’ve felt for months and surprisninglt it’s the first time fopr motnsh I’ve been interstecd in her. All it does is remind me of what a fucking sad old fucking cunt i am when it comes down ro it. ioh god, you really can’t believe hom disappointed in mysle;f i am.. it hurts. and all this because what – i don’t know! i really don’t know, oh shitt, i’m crying, fuck, i’m such a sad fuck for crying over just thhhhhat. i’m typing be because i was just sat there and iwept and i felt that sterotypical loneliness, and unloved, irrelevant, and al;l rhw worse becausei know ii deserve ir for bweing so scared that i can’t ven stroke a beautiful thigh# Y’know i used tob e so drunk ‘d not think about going up ther wiyh her and just doi ng it. even though even …read more.

[312] Well April 25th, 2002 – 12:49pm Posted in Events No comments

I was too drunk last night to be coherent. Reading that back I don’t actually mean some of the things I said; they’re just those drunken kind of words that come out when you’re in a drunken kind of mood. Anyway, I think things are sorted already. I’m going to take Friday off and go somewhere for the weekend, maybe a couple of nights camping in the Lakes or something, just to have a break and start things over, and maybe finally get over things in my head. And maybe pull. I really want sex right now.

[76] Academic books April 25th, 2002 – 8:21am Posted in Bad Things No comments

Anyone who’s been to college or uni must surely understand this one. What a nightmare textbooks are. At the moment I have to read a book called The Sociology of Journalism by Brian McNair, a lecturer at Stirling uni. It really has left me speechless… I understand there’s an argument for using precise, clinical language on occasion, but I’d argue most of the time it’s just plain bad writing. What value is there in hiding the points of the book behind sentences spanning ten lines with fifteen commas and sub-clauses and using language which slows the eye and wears down the brain’s patience? I’d just call it bad writing… but there’ll always be academics with beards who think it’s right to write this way, so there’s nowt I can do about it… ho hum…

[314] No more bitches April 22nd, 2002 – 12:55pm Posted in Events No comments

Like I said on the forum the other day, I was pretty much dumped. It’s been a really weird few days since. Dan and Phil aren’t around and I haven’t had much to do with myself. I got home on Wednesday and basically just sat there, quite literally twiddling my thumbs (it really is quite a good distraction, y’know). I wasn’t in the mood to write on here, nothing needs doing with the forum, and I just don’t seem to have the same enthusiasm or attention span for Civilization as I used to. Before I got this job I’d often spend whole days just sat here playing Civ2 – now, it just seems quite dull after half an hour. I used to program for fun, too – that’s even more dull now. So, basically, unless I’m drinking or smoking I have fuck all to do. I lasted ’til 12.30 that …read more.

[315] I’d forgotten how easy student life actually is April 12th, 2002 – 12:55pm Posted in Events, Memories No comments

But at the same time I’ve realised just how shite working for the next forty years after uni is going to be. I’ve had an ace holiday, but, typically, I got a call from work this morning asking me to meet my boss so he could pay me my wages in cash. I’d almost totally forgotten about work for a week, then this bastard comes along and reminds me. Still – let me tell you about the good things for a change.

The road trip rocked, even if I maybe did get a bit OTT about the “finding things out about each other” thing the other night while drunk. I did find things out about Dan, Phil and Terrence, yeah – for example they are a gay triumvirate who love the cock – but it wasn’t really as intense as maybe I made out. It was just one long smoking session, …read more.

[144] Ladies busts April 8th, 2002 – 5:34pm Posted in Good Things, People No comments

Ladies busts are the greatest. I’m not talking tits, knockers or whatever, I’m talking busts – that undefinable bust-ular shape of a bosom set against a raised arm clothed in something like Cat Deeley happens to be wearing to the right. A slightly plump yet inviting arm only raises the stakes, while a generous serving of visible arm – BUT NOT SO MUCH AS TO THROW THE SCENE OUT OF PROPORTION – is liable to induce spontaneous orgasm. Perhaps best of all is the curvitude of the lower breast into the chest – clothed in a well-fitting garment the tautness of the material as it stretches from breast to back is quite a sight. Sadly this particular treat is hidden in this shot by the angle of Ms. Deeley’s upper arm – however, ardent fans can quite easily spot it on her many …read more.

[316] I wish I wasn’t so scared April 5th, 2002 – 12:56pm Posted in Events No comments

Even after just a week since I last wrote here I’ve changed. It only took a night last week to do that. I’m such a coward, all the more so for realising it but still not doing anything about it. Sometimes I wonder if going to a counsellor or something might actually help. I’ve always been sceptical ’cause the ones I have seen, and know of through family, haven’t been able to help in the slightest. But I think I’ve got to do something to get over this fear I have of getting even a little bit close to someone, of being intimate with anyone, even the people I’m closest to in the world like my mum and dad and sisters. We haven’t connected for years because every time we get close I get this horrible feeling that they’ll get to know me and I don’t want that; I don’t …read more.