After a horrific weekend experience of ‘going out’ in the way that many people seem to actively enjoy but which I can’t help feeling is a sign of mental illness (crowded clubs, 4 deep at the bar, extortionate prices, ear-bleeding music, toilets ankle deep in piss etc.) tonight has provided a welcome opportunity for a quiet drink at home in front of the telly.

This evening’s entertainment is the Olympic Men’s Ice Hockey final between the USA and Canada which, I’ve got to say, is proving to be a superb spectacle- mostly because the actual playing of the sport seems to be secondary to everyone trying to clatter their nearest opponent into the rink-side plexiglass at every available opportunity.

Now the obvious choice of beverage to accompany this event would be an ice cold North American beer of some description but this would be hamstrung by the fact that major beers from that part of the world are, to quote Eric Idle’s immortal line, “like making love in a canoe” (i.e. fucking close to water). There’s a few interesting drinks coming out of some of the smaller American and Canadian brewers but my local Co-op seems unwilling to stock these at the moment so there goes that plan.

Therefore, I’m taking this opportunity to try something bold; drinking cider in the wintertime (which sounds a little like a euphemism from an Alan Bennett monologue: “Well, Percy often turned his nose up ay my macaroons, though the rumours in the village were that he enjoyed drinking cider in the wintertime” [Warm Cobbles; 1983]). Cider or scrumpy are, of course, among the ultimate summer drinks- offering as they do an unrivalled combination of fruity refreshment and thirst-quenching lightness. Though this is allied to the potentially dangerous combination of being deceptively easy drinking yet infused with mind-bending alcohol levels. Everyone needs to have had one of those days in a sweltering beer garden where the first neck-wetting pint is swiftly despatched and followed up by two more in quick succession before the ability to walk or even blink in unison is lost for the rest of the day.

But it’s many months since we’ve had weather like that and it’ll be a while before it’s back which means I haven’t had a cider for ages. It’s just not felt right since the sun and warmth buggered off. So I’ve put my prejudice to one side and indulged in a bottle of Henry Weston’s Vintage Special Reserve- clocking in at 8.2% and available in most places with a decent bottled beer selection- to see if it’s pleasure is still intact at the end (hopefully) of this cold, cold winter we’ve had.

Well the first thing to report is that it still tastes as nicely balanced as ever- neither too tangy or dry, a little bit of sweetness and the real bite of the apple coming through on the finish. The light fizz is there which, for me, makes cider inferior to the refreshing flatness of scrumpy but at least this effort lacks the almost sherbert tartness that ruins pretty much all of the more mainstream ciders.

However. Without the need to quench a thirst and now being drunk just for the pleasure of a beverage, I’m getting the phenomenon of ‘furry tongue’ with alarming speed here. It’s usually about three pints of beer before the feel of a dry, rough tongue becomes noticable and I’m pretty sure that cider doesn’t have that effect so quickly when the sun is high in the sky but I’m only halfway through a bottle and already I feel like the inside of my gob needs a shave. I can only think this is being caused by the fact that, with the refreshing properties of the drink diminished by the current weather, a large part of the experience has actually been compromised and therefore I’m free to notice the more negative effects it’s having on the inside of my face.

I could try to mull the cider but this, as far as I can figure out, involves a saucepan, half a spice-rack and low-to-moderate witchcraft and I can’t be bothered with any of those. So I suppose the finding of this little experiment is that yes it is still worth drinking cider in the wintertime- but only if you have the one bottle. Which, at 8.2%, means it’s probably the most sensible way to consume it.

It just isn’t the best way.

Cider · Westons

I’ve recently taken it upon myself to start reviewing pubs for this site which is, on reflection, an idea born of monumental dumbness for two reasons- I’ve no idea how it’s done and I don’t know if it’s even possible.

I’ve reviewed plenty of things in my time and it’s a fairly easy process; if it’s a film, TV show, book, comic, album or game the main question is always the similar- is it entertaining/engaging/enjoyable/moving/funny/exciting or not? All you then have to do is flower the answer out to however many words and make references to other works by Martin Scorcese (this works best when reviewing a film by Martin Scorcese).

But what do we look for in a pub? If I review one, what should I really tell you about? Obviously the beer selection’s important but there must be more to it than that- otherwise I’m just reviewing a bunch of pints rather than a place itself. A general sense of he ambiance is important but how do you measure that? When I’ve put the quandry of how to review pubs to various people they’ve all mentioned that the toilets need to be analysed- but I don’t know anyone who actively frequents or avoids a boozer because of the state of the bogs. Similarly, food has been suggested as an area for investigation but do we rely on pubs to do food all the time or is it only important when we’re hungry? If I was reviewing chippys, I wouldn’t score it based on the cans of pop in the fridge.

On the subject of which- should there even be a scoring system? Should I give a pub a mark out of 10? Or 100? Or just give a verbal description which you have to read to have a clue if I like the establishment or not?

Clearly this is something of a minefield so I’ve aksed m’colleague Richard what he thinks. And this is it:

Having stewed over this for a few days and thought back over a decade spent in all the unique types of pubs we have in this country, I think what a good pub boils down to for me is:

- a setting for good memories.

I suggest this because that process of thinking back over the innumerable nights I’ve spent in pubs made me realise one main thing, that my memories always pop into my head in the form of: “do you remember that time in [a pub] when [a jolly good time was had by all]?” So it’s a case of time, place and event.

So, then, I tend to agree with Matt. Scores and grades aren’t really much use in such a subjective world. I’d approach it by trying to capture the feeling, be it good or bad, and let the reader see if they empathise with the description. And what are the permanent plus points for me? I like pubs where I don’t feel any pretensions wafting around the air; I love dark wood and beams that haven’t changed for centuries; I love droplets of dew on a beer garden lawn, just after a summer shower has ended and the sun shines brightly through your beer. I like how people find it easier to talk, or sit alone with a paper if they want. I don’t really know of any other institutions this country has quite like a good pub, or where so many happy memories are formed.

So there we have it- no scores, no grades, just writing and remembering.

Starting later this week when me and Richard hit the infamous Ale Trail through Dewsbury, Huddersfield and Stalybridge back to Manchester on the train.

And then we’ll see what we remember.

Pub Review

I’ve finally got round to watching Star Trek. It was one of many films I wanted to watch on the big screen but never got round to. Fortunately for all, Altrincham Tesco’s ingenious DVD vending machine had it so accompanied by some pizza, some beer and my better half. That was Saturday night sorted.

Reinventing an existing franchise can be a double-edge sword. You already have a large existing fan base but get it wrong and the same fans turn nasty and will kill you. Ask people what’s wrong with the Star Wars prequels and the unanimous answer will be Jar Jar Binks. Accompanied by years of pent-up seething. Fortunately Star Trek has some strong names behind it, J J Abrams was phenomenally successful with Lost. Writers Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman are behind some of the most successful explosion-fests of the past 5 years, including The Island, Transformers 1 and 2, Eagle Eye, Watchmen and finally Mission Impossible III.

If you like explosions, this film is for you.

The plot revolves around a Romulan named Nero (Played by Eric Bana) from the future (the movie’s future that is) who travels back in time to destroy the Vulcan planet of Vulcan. This is because future Spock (Nimoy no less) was apparently responsible for the destruction of Romulus, in the future and Nero wants young Spock to feel the same pain he did 25 years ago, in the future. That’s one hell of a temporal axe to grind. Anyway, Enterprise captain Christopher Pike is kidnapped by Nero, when young Kirk and young Spock stop bickering long enough to realise something is amiss they set out to stop the tricky Romulan from destroying Earth, with some help from Future Spock, whom Kirk finds in a cave, and Scotty, who happens to be close by.

The Sun called it the best action film of 2009 and it’s definitely up there. There’s a whole lot of fighting going on, Actor Chris Pine brings a whole tin of whoop-ass to the role of James T Kirk, keeping in following with the character’s love of a good punch up. It’s always daunting taking on such an established character and trying to bring something new while still remaining faithful to the original. This film provides mixed results on this front. Pine is excellent as the young, angry unrefined smart-arse Kirk. Zachary Quinto’s young Spock has the character exploring not just his Vulcan ancestry but his human side. This adds an added depth to the role. As for Karl Urban’s Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy, well we’ll come back to that later. Simon Pegg was superb as Scotty, my only complaint is that he has so little screen time.

Zoe Saldana’s Uhura and John Cho’s Sulu were a big let down for me, not in any way because of the actors, I’ve no complaints on that front but the characters themselves seemed really badly written. Sulu was written as a sword wielding badass. When he and Kirk space jump (skydiving from space) down to the Romulan drilling platform, he produces a collapsible Katana and engages in some samurai chopfoolery. I understand this looks good and is admittedly fun to watch but still left me scratching my head. Whenever I watched a scene with Uhura, all I saw was Jonesy from The Hunt For Red October. Except when she snogged Spock. At that point I didn’t know what I was watching.

All of this pales into insignificance compared to Karl Urban’s McCoy. Urban had clearly spent a long time studying the role and was a sheer joy to watch. Brilliantly cantankerous, he joins Starfleet after his wife divorces him leaving him with nothing. With the exception of Doom and the last two Rings films, I’ve not seen much of this Kiwi. He clearly took it, ran with it and made the role his own. The DVD extras should include a reel of all his best bits. I’m hoping they remake Voyage home just so I can watch Karl Urban shout at a whale. That could possibly be my cinematic highlight of the next few years.
With the exception of some gaping plot (worm)holes and some questionable character writing, I enjoyed the film far more than I expected. There’s a point where it all goes a bit Empire Strikes Back when Kirk goes to Hoth (Delta Vega), gets attacked by a crazy ice beast in a cave only to be rescued by Han Solo (Future Spock). Leonard Nimoy is a welcome face within the sea of young talent. I’d gladly watch this again and look forward to a sequel, maybe this time with Khan and a resurrected Kirk. Abrams has messed with the reality enough for that to be possible. Just please think about sealing the plot holes. The extensive DVD extras do address some these and also add some extra Klingon based fun.

I’ll leave you with a fact. Deep Roy (plays Scotty’s assistant) is the only actor to appear in the Star Wars, Star Trek and Doctor Who franchises.

Karl Urban · Star Trek

Tomorrow is Wordy’s birthday, a day which I like to think of as a walking trip. That there happen to be about 28 pubs on the route we take is just by the by.

For 20 years or so now he’s done the Revidge Run, a pub crawl in Blackburn that goes right from the northern edge of the town into the centre – that is, for the few who make it to the end. I don’t think I ever have, usually tapping out somewhere around the Hole i’th Wall. Out of curiosity I knocked a Gmap together…

You can see it in full size over on Google Maps. Not bad eh?

Beers · Blackburn · Brownhill Arms · Bull's Head · Charles Napier · Hole I'th Wall · Knowles Arms · map · pub crawl · Revidge Run · Rising Sun · Royal Oak · Sportsman's Arms · Wilpshire Hotel

Stoke – West Midlands town near Newcastle Under Lyme.

RMS Titanic. Doomed liner built by Harland & Wolff in Belfast.

The connection between these two? No it’s not Robbie. The link is that Captain Edward Smith hails from Hanley, talk about rubbish name dropping. Anyway, Titanic Breweries have been brewing since 1985. With that much practice, you’d have thought they’d be better at it.

Just sampled a bottle of Titanic Iceberg.

It was bloody awful. Very very hoppy, which in itself isn’t a bad thing but couple that with the bitterness and good God man, there’s bitter, and then there’s bitter. This made my tongue union up and start a picket. I looked at the bottle expecting to see half a dozen lemons in the ingredients list to no avail. I did see that it proclaimed itself to be very bitter. At least there’ll be no trade description issues. 

Maybe the bottle I had was just particularly nasty but it does put me off sampling the rest of the range. I’m still puzzled as to why the brewery aligned with the Titanic name, I get the Edward Smith connection but come on, the Titanic wasn’t even the first ship he crashed. Not a great figurehead. There’s a reason why there isn’t an Eddie The Eagle stout.

PS, must apologise to the brewery, as Keith points out, it was Iceberg I had, not Mild. My mistake.

No tags

Here’s a weekend to keep free: East Lancs CAMRA will again be holding a beer festival at the St Mary’s Centre in Clitheroe on May 14th and 15th 2010.

Men undertaking the noble pursuit of standing around getting pissed on a Saturday afternoon.

Last year it coincided with a 1940s theme weekend but I haven’t seen any mention of that yet so perhaps that was a one-off. Either way it’s still a decent festival for the weekend as Clitheroe’s a nice town and it’s easy to reach from anywhere on the Manchester line – you could even change at Blackburn and reach it from Preston, Burnley and beyond.

The St Mary’s Centre is quite small but sometimes that adds to a festival. The dull roar of 300 drunk men in an old building with terrible acoustics is second only to standing in a busy Wetherspoons at 9pm on a Saturday night and feeling drowned out by mindless noise. You can rest assured though that the Clitheroe festival is on a much more intimate scale.

While in the town I would also recommend a visit to the New Inn, which normally has around six beers on and is a fantastic old pub. In summer, wind through the low-beamed rooms out into the beer garden with a great view over the town – one of my all time top five beer gardens without a doubt. The Grand is also worth a look if open – the bar had a good choice of bottled beers on last time I went.

I’ll update here if I hear any more news but I do recommend this as one for a good Saturday out, especially if the weather is pleasant.

Beer festival · Beers · CAMRA · Clitheroe · New Inn · St Mary's Centre · The Grand

The Malt has had a chequered recent history, feeling to be in decline for the last decade. I caught the very tail end of its busy years at the end of the 90s, when there’d be a decent dinnertime crowd and a queue for the bar at weekends. Both of these are fast-fading memories. Stephen Hughes of the Blackburn & District Pubs (Past & Present) Facebook group reported that barrelage fell from 238 in 2004 down to 102 for 2007, where less than 150 barrels a year is seen as a bad sign. It isn’t just the Malt that’s suffered in this way, of course – much of the rest of Blackburn town centre has gone down the same road and it creates a kind of gravity effect with the combined pull of mass decline dragging individual pubs that try to break free down with it.

The subject of the town centre is something I don’t mean to go into here, though, as there are many things to consider about that which need more attention. Returning to the Malt, it appears it may be re-opening soon as it has been removed from Fleurets. It was listed on there for £175,000 which many agree was a good price. It has either been sold or withdrawn for unknown reasons, so we can only hope it’s the former and will be re-opening soon.

The Malt as it stood in 2009. Photo courtesy of Robert Wade on the Blackburn & District Pubs (Past & Present) Facebook group.

I’ve talked with many people about this particular pub and it seems something of a quandary. Everything feels like it adds up to a great pub:

• the central location near college and the office side of town,
• it sits in the middle of the run across town (roughly a line from the Postal Order to O’Neills),
• it’s a decent sized building,
• people still have good memories to associate the place with…

…but in recent years it just hasn’t worked. I’ve noticed that in other nearby towns, the real ale pubs are busy but I just can’t imagine that kind of thing working here. There’s no real ale “community” in the town centre – Blackburn has somehow ended up being a desert for it and has no reputation to speak of, so you get the gravity effect again – one pub going it alone isn’t enough to get people down into town for.

Whatever happens to this place, I hope it works out.

Beers · Blackburn · Fleurets · Malt and Hops · The Malt · town centre

Good god the Porto vs. Arsenal game on Wednesday was a cracker.

I’m no fan of the Gunners but as a fan of the game, it was hard not to be impressed. Massively bogged down by injury woes, they were without Gallas, Arshavin, Song, Van Persie, Eduardo and even Jelly Arms Almunia, who has a sore finger.

They even managed 93 minutes and a goal from of Sol Campbell, which is more than he ever gave Notts County.

Campbell’s headed goal drew the Gunners even again after Fabianski’s howler gave a Porto an early lead. He’s now in that exclusive club of players who’ve scored in consecutive Champ League games, admittedly the last one was three and half years ago. Also for Arsenal.

What followed in the second half left me scratching me head. Thank Allah for Sky Plus cos I had to rewind several times just to make sure I hadn’t dreamt the following incident…

Campbell passes the ball back to Fabianski.

Fabianski picks up the ball.

Ref blows for the foul.

Ref (still in the box) gives the ball to Porto who immediately pass it and score.

Wait a sec. If a pass back is made, the opposing team are awarded an indirect free kick. That’s it. There’s no other way to interpret the rule. The Swedish ref hadn’t blown his whistle and his arm was raised when the goal was scored. Ok then, the goal doesn’t count for those reasons. Fair enough, no argument.

He allows the goal.

You could have knocked me down with a feather. Campbell was suitably peeved too as the ref blocked him from making any move. Wenger blew a fuse and demanded an audience with said ref. I don’t know which particular words were exchanged (or in what language) but I doubt Christmas cards will be exchanged.

Second example, same night, different game, different ref, same nationality. What was it with Swedish refs last night?

During Bayern Munich’s game against Fiorentina, Ribery is taken down in the box as the ball falls to Gomez who pokes it into the net. Ref Tom Ovrebo disallows the goal because of the foul and awards a penalty instead. Robben slots it home nicely. I know the advantage rule is rarely applied on the mainland but come on. He scored a goal! That’s as much as an advantage as there can possibly be.

He also allowed a goal where the scorer (Klose) was so far offside, he should have taken his passport with him. Different post codes is one thing but he was practically in the car park.

There’s little dispute that the current refereeing situation is outdated, the game is far too fast. U.E.F.A. have toyed with extra officials on the goal line and other options are available and should be explored. Problem is, the final decision lies with the ref. If a player breaks a rule, it’s dealt with appropriately. Sometime after the fact. Arsenal’s example perfectly highlights the fact that metaphor clearly stops with the ref. No amount of appealing can change that.

Some decisions are made when the ref doesn’t have a clear view of the offence, that’s when he’ll look at his assistants and make the best decision he can. This can be incredibly hard to do and I respect that it’s a tough role. But what when the ref allows the rules to be broken? Why is this unpunished? Giving Porto that goal gives them a clear advantage. This changed the outcome of the game and Arsenal now have to work twice as hard in the second leg. The argument can be made that one goal doesn’t necessarily change the end result and that is of course perfectly valid, Arsenal could have found a second wind and scored several more. But they didn’t. They lost. What’s the alternative? Should U.E.F.A. be allowed to deny goals (or whatever) if an appeal is successful? Where does it end? I’ve always believed what happens on the pitch, stays on the pitch. After watching the game last night, it’s tough to hold that conviction.

Also Newcastle won 4-1. Whoop.

Sport

The story of last night was two of Innis & Gunn‘s oak aged beers. The first one was part of Morrisons’ four for £5.50 deal, so I took the label proclaiming it as an expertly crafted beer with a pinch of salt. Later in the evening I was given a limited edition bottle from a year or two ago, which came in a box – the kind of thing you see whisky packaged in.

Now as I said, I wasn’t really expecting much. They were 6% and 7% so it’s fortunate they come in 330ml bottles or you’d end up banjoed in two hours. The taste though is something else. I really don’t enjoy strong beers normally as the taste of alcohol just overpowers everything else. Innis & Gunn beers avoid that with the oak flavours masking the alcohol almost completely. I couldn’t tell too much difference between the two I tried, but I’d definitely give them a go again.

The one downside of the night was a schoolboy error on my part, as I tried the very flavoursome Innis & Gunn beers one after the other and promptly destroyed my taste buds for the rest of the night. The Harvest Pale didn’t taste a patch on the first time I tried it but I’m sure it was just because my tongue had been through an alcoholic air raid. The Piddle Ale was terrible – a wishy-washy, flavourless concoction that I was bored of after a few mouthfuls. Never again.

The Whitstable Bay was pretty good and the Old Hooky had the usual caramel flavours. All in all, not a bad mix, the highlight being the Innis & Gunn beers. Just make sure you drink them at the end of the night while your taste buds still function.

Beers · Innis & Gunn

Tonight is my cousin Rob’s 21st birthday party. Rob is a CID (Chav In Denial) and drinks lager and any kind of spirit over 40%, preferably on fire. Rob is a sound bloke though and it is my ultimate ambition in life to convert him to real ale. His dad drinks the stuff by the gallon so it’s feasible.

#Gordon Brown...

Tonight I’ve picked up a few bottles from Morrisons to take round and I’ve got another Castle Rock Harvest Pale, the beer I recently declared my favourite ever. I’m left with that conundrum now of when to drink it – near the start so I appreciate it most, or near the end to look forward to? Do I pass it round to try to convert others to the cause, or keep it all to myself? Not easy questions when you’ve been lured in by the sweet taste and end up injecting pale ale into your veins to get an even better hit.

I’ve also picked up one of Innis & Gunn‘s oak-aged beers, which I’m really not convinced I’ll like. I’m a very recent convert to the odd whisky or brandy and hot, but only very rarely, and I’m certainly not sure what a beer with those kind of flavours might do to me. To balance that out I’ve got a nice Shepherd Neame Whitstable Bay, an organic beer and one approved for vegetarians – it really is fortunate that my variety of vegetarianism isn’t so strict as to preclude me from the majority of ales around today.

Finishing off the list are a bottle of Piddle Ale (the brewery eludes me at the moment) which was on offer for £1 and finally an old favourite, Hook Norton Old Hooky. As a list goes I’m pretty happy with that one and with the strengths they are I’m confident that with a cup of tea before bed I’ll even wake up with a clear head! Match report to follow tomorrow, which will invariably be me raving about Harvest Pale at great length again.

Beers · Castle Rock · Harvest Pale · Hook Norton · Innis & Gunn · Morrisons · Old Hooky · Piddle Ale · Shepherd Neame · Whitstable Bay